Pregnant with #3!!!!

To my amazement it didn't take long to get pregnant this time! I was shocked! Just a month after starting the baby aspirin, I conceived. I had been doing a TON of reading about my blood clotting disorder and the success rate of actually delivering a baby. I found that I was not "odd" at all! Actually, there are MANY women with the same condition I have. I stumbled upon several blogs and chats of ladies who were "sharing their story". This was a HUGE blessing and encouragement to me. I was thankful to read their success stories and to actually see pictures of their little miracles.
The moment I found out I was pregnant again I called Dr. Marichal's office. They had me come in the next day for an ultrasound and to discuss our future plans with our doctor. My husband and I decided to continue the aspirin regimen and to add 2 shots of "Heparin" daily and PRAY
A LOT that God would allow us to have this baby. I must admit I had faith, but I was scared to death of another miscarriage. At times, the fear was over-whelming.
During this time God reminded me of many Bible verses on the subject of "fear". One of the many verses I claimed was Isaiah 26:3. God also speaks to my heart through song. I heard a song entitled "A Greater Yes" by a gospel group called "The Whisnants". This song was a constant encouragement to me throughout my pregnancy.
This pregnancy felt different. I had fear, yet a sweet and calming peace. I knew in my heart that God was going to let us keep this baby on earth.

MTHFR Compound Heterozygous....

WHAT??!!?? What is that?
That was my first question as Dr.Marichal explained to us the blood clotting disorder that I have. My head was spinning with loads of questions! It is January of 2007 so at this point we have been "trying" for a baby for 2 1/2 years....

The short version is simply, I have an inherited blood clotting disorder that passes clots through the placenta which stops the flow of blood to our babies hearts. Believe it or not, our doctor put me on baby aspirin beginning immediately. He said once I became pregnant again I had the option of giving myself "Heparin" shots twice daily in order to help with the clotting issue. There were no guarantees, but at least we had an answer.

We left the doctors office and I was happy with the news, yet angry that all it would have taken was a baby aspirin to save my babies! Another difficult thing about this diagnosis was telling my parents. Since this is an "inderited" problem they felt a little to blame. However, the Bible verse that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made" kept coming to my mind. I came to the realization that I am exactly how God wants me to be and so were my babies. My life is in the hands of God.

I was at peace and we were able to start trying for another baby in just 3 short weeks. Our first stop was to "Wal-mart" for baby aspirin!

Here we go again........... :)

Something MUST be wrong with me....

After our second miscarriage, I knew in my heart there had to be a problem with me medically. I wrestled with this because I wanted to be "normal". I wanted to find the problem I knew I had, but yet I didn't want to know...all at the same time. There are so many emotions when you experience miscarriage. It is literally a roller coaster ride! I thought I would get married, wait a few years, get pregnant, have a few kids and life would be perfect. I have learned that our lives are in the hands of God. HE has a plan for each of us.

After the second miscarriage Dr.Marichal felt I should be tested for blood clotting issues. He felt it odd that I never "lost" the babies at home and that everything appeared perfect until we found no heart beat on the ultrasounds. I agreed and was happy to go through whatever testing I needed in order to solve the problem and hopefully have a baby. I was desperate and exhausted! I just wanted answers.

So, I went for bloodwork the first week of January, 2007. The lab technician took 14 rather large tubes of blood. I could not believe they needed so much. I was being tested for everything under the sun, including Lupus. I have to say I was a little afraid at what the outcome would be, but I had a peace that God was in control and it was all going to be okay.

After about a week Dr.Marichal's nurse called and asked if we could come in and meet with the doctor. She said he thought he had found the problem but in the meantime he wanted me to go back to the lab and get one more blood draw. I did that and we met with Dr.Marichal in mid-January. I was nervous and excited in anticipation of the news we would receive. Would he tell us there was no hope? Would he tell me I was just "high risk" for miscarriage? Was it something I had done wrong?

So many questions.....

Our Doctor ~ Eduardo Marichal

I never fully appreciated a good doctor until now. ....

We first met Dr. Marichal in early 2005. I went to the doctor for a yearly female exam with the hopes of getting pregnant soon. The second Dr. Marichal walked in I knew God had sent us to him. He was friendly, attentive and took lots of time with us. I felt like I was his only patient!

Through our miscarriages Dr. Marichal has been someone we can trust, lean on and ask a MILLION questions!!! He has truly been a God-send. He told us from the beginning that life and death are up to God and God simply uses him to fulfill this task. WOW! I appreciated his honesty and his trust and faith in God.

Dr. Marichal is right. Life and death are up to our heavenly Father. I must admit that my human mind will always wonder why God chose to take our babies to Heaven. I know one day I will understand.

I will never forget the look on Dr. Marichal's face and the weakness in his voice when he had to tell us that our babies were dead. It's odd, but I actually felt sorry for him. In another sense, I felt guilty that he had to tell me this horrible news; I felt like I had let everyone down. He actually cried with us. I will NEVER FORGET his compassion.

I wish every doctor in the world had the love and concern for his/her patients that Dr.Marichal has.

We love you, doc, and we are FOREVER GRATEFUL!!!!

CHRISTMAS 2005

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. I love everything about it! I especially enjoy decorating for this Holiday.

We found out about my first miscarraige on December 29, 2005. Christmas was over and New Years services at church were planned, as well as, parties afterward. I remember leaving the doctors office, seeing the Christmas decorations that were still lit with a dread of the "parties" that were to come. I could not believe our baby was gone and I was responsible for New Years activities.

We found out on a Wednesday about the death of our baby. Thursday morning I went in for my first D&C. I was scared to death! I awoke from the D&C in tears and begging for my baby. A nurse, who was not very compassionate, just quickly wiped my tears and said, "your baby's gone, honey!" I felt miserable, yet still hopeful....kind of a strange combination of emotions.

My husband and I went home, went to church activities and New Year's parties as planned. I smiled and tried to act as normal as possible. I missed my baby so bad. I am thankful to know that our little one is in Heaven with Jesus, waiting on us. Heaven just got sweeter!

January 2006 ~ A new year....a new beginning....still hope....what would happen next?

Here We Go....AGAIN!

I went to the doctor and received a positive pregnancy test. I have an INCREDIBLE doctor who, like me, seemed to feel everything would be fine this time. We had absolutely no reason to think otherwise. My due date was 07/07/07! I thought this had to be a "sign" that everything was going to be okay!
We had planned a trip to Gatlingburg, TN and invited my mom to come and were planning to tell her our good news while on this trip. That's exactly what we did and, like us, she was VERY excited! With the first pregnancy I had horrible "all day" sickness and this baby was no different. But, I didn't care, it was all worth it. While on this trip I started spotting; I was about 6 weeks along. I immediately called the doctors office. The spotting, which was very minimal, went away without worry.
This was once again Christmas time. We had an ultrasound appointment scheduled the first week of December. I was still having severe sickness and felt sure that everything was fine.
As soon as the doctor showed me the ultrasound screen, I knew. Our precious little one had died. He/She measured 8 weeks and 5 days. I was 8 weeks and 6 days pregnant which meant this had just happened.
This time, anger set in! I told the doctor to turn the screen away and just let me get out of there. This was Friday afternoon which meant I couldn't have another D&C until Monday morning. That was the longest weekend of my life. I was walking around with our deceased child inside of me and I felt like I was going to lose my mind! WHY DID THIS HAPPEN AGAIN??? I wanted answers and was determined to find the problem.
After 3 agonizing days I had my 2nd D&C on Monday morning. My arms were empty and my heart ached beyond explanation. I wanted my two babies back.
Why me? Why now?
Christmas came and went. What used to be my favorite holiday had been ruined 2 years in a row. During this time I heard a song entitled, "Mary Knew". It hit me like a ton of bricks! Mary carried Jesus and reared Him knowing He would be crucified. Meaning, she would have to give Him back.....WOW! What a precious and comforting thought this was to me.

Thank you, Lord, for peace and grace. God had comforted my heart and given me assurance that I was going to be okay. My husband and I would be parents on this earth.

Once again, we were sent home to "try again".

The Journey Continues

I know this blog is 2 years or more in the making, but it seems that I am just able to gather my heart and thoughts enough to actually tell our story.....

After our 1st miscarriage we began to try again after the doctor gave us the "all clear"...which was about 2 months. That was a LONG two months. Admittedly, I was a little naive when it came to fertility and timing so I purchased a book entitled "Taking Charge of Your Fertility". The Lord was in the reading of this book as it taught me SO MUCH about myself and my fertility cycles.

I literally begged God daily for a baby and knew in my heart that He was going to give me "the desire of my heart." However, the human side of me blamed myself and thought there was something I had done wrong to cause the miscarriage. I know these are common thoughts and I tried not to blame myself. I was frantically searching for the "WHY" in all of this and always came up empty handed. BUT, I still had HOPE and FAITH that it was all going to be okay! I will never understand why.

My heart still breaks and longs for our first child and I have accepted the fact that it always will. I also KNOW that I will see this child in Heaven and I believe that the Lord will let him or her recognize me as "Mama". WOW! What a thought.....

After 6 months of trying to get pregnant again....WE DID! I was excited, but nervous. Once you have a miscarriage it robs you of some of the joy in future pregnancies.

With baby #2 on the way.....where would this journey take us?