CHRISTMAS 2005

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. I love everything about it! I especially enjoy decorating for this Holiday.

We found out about my first miscarraige on December 29, 2005. Christmas was over and New Years services at church were planned, as well as, parties afterward. I remember leaving the doctors office, seeing the Christmas decorations that were still lit with a dread of the "parties" that were to come. I could not believe our baby was gone and I was responsible for New Years activities.

We found out on a Wednesday about the death of our baby. Thursday morning I went in for my first D&C. I was scared to death! I awoke from the D&C in tears and begging for my baby. A nurse, who was not very compassionate, just quickly wiped my tears and said, "your baby's gone, honey!" I felt miserable, yet still hopeful....kind of a strange combination of emotions.

My husband and I went home, went to church activities and New Year's parties as planned. I smiled and tried to act as normal as possible. I missed my baby so bad. I am thankful to know that our little one is in Heaven with Jesus, waiting on us. Heaven just got sweeter!

January 2006 ~ A new year....a new beginning....still hope....what would happen next?